If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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