And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
