Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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