help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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