I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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