1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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