That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
