I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
