Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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