So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
