Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
