youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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