Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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