So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
