I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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