I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
