Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
