Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
