Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
