My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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