My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
