I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
there is another microwave in the elevator.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
