OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
