did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I CAN MOONWALK!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
