Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
