I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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