Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
