They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
