sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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