I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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