a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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