I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
