hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
