True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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