I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
