The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.