Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We have so much sex to catch up on
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.