She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...