Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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