Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.