What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.