She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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