didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
