Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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