So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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