her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Let's paint friendship bongs
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
