smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
