Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
