dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do herpes really smell.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
