after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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