Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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