Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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