well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
