Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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