My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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