I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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