Please, let me fuck your mom
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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