I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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