Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
