I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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