And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I want a musical about memes.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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