The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
