I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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