You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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