I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
