I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
