Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
