He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
