This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
