Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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