bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize