my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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