If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
