i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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