You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
