We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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