hotel room ftw
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
