he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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