Already got asked if we're dating
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
