I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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