and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
