If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
